Each waking day there is a battle between our internal physiology and our external environment. In the modern western format, the advantage often lies with the external. Many of us who walk into an office (of varying description) experience the pressure of a tight schedule to fulfill where the expectation of a work-day is grafted around constant output.

I’m going to indulge my AFL bias, and suggest that if our work day were a football game, the match report might go something like this:

Heading into opposition territory, bottom placed Internal Physiology were always going to have a tough day up against ladder leader External Conditions. With the roof closed on External Environment Arena, the home side took early ascendancy with Caffeine and Email goaling in the opening minutes. Ringing Mobile was busy around the packs and provided further scoreboard pressure while Caffeine asserted dominance up forward slamming through a second goal before quarter time.

The second quarter began where it left off for External with cousins Office Colleagues and Office Noise teaming up for back to back goals before Cortisol entered the game with a handball to Adrenaline for Internal’s first major. Cortisol remained busy throughout the remainder of the half despite a heavy collision with teammate Insulin, who left the field with concussion.  Internal struggled to cover this loss and looked fatigued with External’s constant pressure.

In an unheralded twist, the match umpire’s allowed Internal to continue playing through half-time during which they attempted to gain some lost ground. Despite lack of contested pressure, full-forward Blood Glucose-Level constantly dropped marks and judgement errors occured with Cerebellum’s disposal. By the time External Conditions returned to the field, team Internal had managed to add only a small margin to their score – an opportunity gone begging.

The second half saw External’s pesky small forward Demanding Clients chime in for uncontested goals, as he ran amok on Internal’s speedster Adrenaline who was moved into defence. Personal Issues made some clumsy errors across Internal’s half-back line, upon which Distracting Thoughts was able to capitalise on numerous occasions for External.

External brought Unnecessary Meetings off the bench for the final quarter, who dominated a depleted Internal midfield leaving star onballer Serotonin with a quiet day, and they missed Sunlight in their midfield rotation.

External Conditions wreaked havoc on an Internal side that once looked strong on paper. A growing injury list including captain Hormonal Balance, replaced in today’s side by Fatigue, has left Internal unable to live up to it’s early-season hype and fans are calling for coach Reduced Productivity to be axed.

In a post-match interview, Internal Physiology’s centre half back Sufficient Sleep controversially stated that his desire to play each week was at an all-time low due to the constant battering that he and the rest of the backline were receiving with a lack of support from further up the field.

Match statistics from this game showed that Internal’s forward-line supply from Good Nutrients had been limited through a tagging role by Unrealistic Expectations, and that Exercise had been held goalless from the relentless pressure of External’s experienced defender Mixed Priorities.

Internal will need to head back to the drawing board and restructure their tactics if they are to overcome this powerful outfit next time around. There is no doubt in the potential of Internal’s recruits, but they are looking constantly overwhelmed by fierce opponents and need to find a way to gel as a unit both on and off the field if they are to start registering consistent wins. Stay tuned!



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